Mine sound a little like this:
Do you really need this? What happens if you commit and then you have to pull out? Oh sh***t am I really doing this? Is this right for me? Oh my what will X think of me? Am I right back where I started again?
They also feel a little like this:
Burning tight pain in chest. Heavy shoulders. Tightening in my stomach. To the extent I feel like it’s all in knots. Beating heart, in like a staccato way not a deep throbbing way. Head spinning. Thumping in my head. Breathing really really shallow.
And for someone like me who is super duper visual they actually don’t look like anything come to think of it. They do make me wanna run and hide. Like literally hide under my blanket on my bed. Or bury my head under my pillow and scream at times. I want to cry out in pain and yell and scream and kick a little too.
I want them to just go away at times.
Something happens. Another voice. A gentler, calmer, more certain one steps in. One that says “It’s okay to feel this way”.
One that acknowledges the pain I’m feeling. And, feels it. Doesn’t make it go away in an instant. Rather says “hey you, you big feeling you… you’re okay”. And it also says “You’ve got this. You will find a way. You can do this.”
This one I never used to give the time of day too. It got a little buried. And yet when I started uncovering it, the joy and lightness and freedom was so welcoming I simply couldn’t turn it away.
I’ve been working with this softer, gentler one. To encourage it to come out and play. It’s been the one that actually really knows what’s going on. It’s focused on the root cause of my pain and not just the symptoms. At times it even says “go run, hide, cry into that pillow”. And it doesn’t let me get stuck there.
Even when my head is buried and it feels painful and insurmountable, there’s this soft gentle glow. A lighter throbbing. An inner wisdom that says “And what step will you take next?”.
Because in amongst heartache there is joy. Amidst the tears there’s often laughter. A lover of light I’m appreciating the dark more. And paraphrasing what my mother used to say to me when I was little, the harder times are here to teach us about the good times. When we have lived through the pain we appreciate the joy ever so much more. The difference being that we don’t get stuck in the pain. That we make a choice to move forward. To not become stagnant.
I always ask my clients before commencing a programme together, how important the change is to them. How important it is to really create this new way, this lighter more connected life.
And then, I ask: How committed are you to making the necessary changes? It’s in this commitment to feeling the discomfort, to being okay with moments of pain, to knowing that this is all part of the journey, that the true connection kicks in. In that choice of commitment also comes a choice of taking full responsibility for how you want your life to be. Making a choice that when the self-doubt gremlins show up, you will find a way to talk to them, to dial them down, to refocus your attention on the other voice. That voice that may just be a whisper right now and yet has all the wisdom, kindness and love you ever need.
Be one of the goody gremlins and share the love with your loved ones, share this post with them now. 😉