Ever done that resistance thing?
So bad that you start driving yourself a little crazy?
Your chest is all tight and anxious. You realise you’re taking really shallow breaths. And, turns out no, no one has texted you, Instagrammed you, emailed you or Facebooked you in the last 2 minutes since you checked.
I don’t want to admit to it, but that’s totally me.
Granted it’s most definitely not always me. It’s a sometimes thing.
Somethings it’s all of the above. Sometimes it’s just incessant email checking, like my like depended on it.
And sometimes it’s not even phone related. Like when I decide I need to give the kitchen a thorough clean.
I’m sure we’ve all got different words for it. Procrastination. Avoidance. Resistance. Distraction.
But essentially it’s all one and the same.
Fear of what? Well, that can change.
Fear of facing the task at hand. What if I can’t do it? What does that mean about my value?
Fear of speaking up. What if I do and people think I’m dumb? What will that say about me?
Fear of stuffing it up. What will they think?
It’s almost always about them. Ever noticed that?
When the distraction shows up, and we’re off in a social media haze it’s likely because we’re avoiding something that makes us feel uncomfortable.
And the discomfort stems from worrying about what they think of us.
It’s not going to always make sense at first check. Like right now I’m wondering why I’ve taking the incessant checking path of distraction these past couple of hours.
There’s a couple of excuses that first show up: Oh I needed to get that done. It’s productive. I really did need to check on Instagram because it’s “research”.
Then, once those settle, there’s a little more truth: I feel a little uncomfortable.
Still not quite sure why. So I question again. What on earth could I feel uncomfortable about?
Not knowing what to say. How to say. And putting myself out there. What if it’s not right?
Hmm. Not right. That’s an interesting one. I don’t usually think of myself as a perfectionist. I’m a jump straight in kind of person.
However, right now, that’s what’s stopped me in my tracks this time. I’m worried about getting it right. Because if I don’t get it right, that must say something about my worth and my value.
I’m sharing this with you to hopefully make you feel a bit more human. I’m going to guess that you’ve experienced something similar, at least once before. ?
I probably used to go down an even further hole that would equal saying mean things to myself about how much I suck, or how I shouldn’t even bother, or that I need to go learn more, rehearse more, be better before I “do it”.
However, this time I’m just noticing. That’s it.
Recognising that yep I got distracted. And yep that’s okay. And yep my inner critic was probably poking fun at me.
But I’m back. And I know that I’ve got this.
It took two main triggers to get me back on track:
1) Me feeling that sensation build in my chest, noticing it, and attaching it to the thought of “oh you’re distracted right now”, and
2) Me looking up to see my little reminder on my whiteboard. Simple words that say “You’ve got this. Trust in my innate wisdom”.
Sometimes all we need is a little reminder.
One that comes straight from our heart, one that we know to be true, yet need it flooding our attention when we sway.
Writing a few words on a post-it note and sticking them on your wall might feel a bit pointless. But I promise you the pay-off is huge. It’s that little by little trigger and reminder of what you most need to hear.
These little moments are the ones that add up to the big deal. The ones that actually embed themselves in us forever and change our patterns of behaviour.
Thoughts on their own are only part of the picture. We need an integration of emotion and action to truly create change.
What will you write on your post-it note today?