I sat with a blank page fidgeting. Stopping to check my phone. Changing through patterns constantly. Writing a sentence. Getting stuck. Turning to my phone again… This time to Instagram, to scroll through and hover at this quote:
So here goes, here’s what I want to say.
Today I’m feeling less certain, less confident and questioning how much value I can bring you right now. I’m flipping thorugh ‘possible things to say’ in my mind and rapidly dismissing them as worthless, usless, not worthy enough o fyour time and attention.
My self-talk is floating like a pesty little mosquito because I’m conscious it’s there but I can’t quite fully latch on to it yet to make it ‘go away’.
What if you’ve run out of ideas? What if you’re not good at ‘this’? Who are you kidding you’re battling your own doubts and fears right now how are you going to guide others?
Then it hits me. Or just settles on me, I see the mosquito. This is it. The Self-Doubt Train. Something quite small has triggered me to jump on board and I didn’t even notice that we’ve starting moving already.
Already I feel a little more in control. Still lost. A little, you know, gggrrrr. But definitely more in control. And now that I’m here I’m feeling more able to unpick it a bit and I get that:
- It’s totally okay to feel like this (thanks Kristen Neff, your Self-Compassion break is super duper useful here!).
- Now that I’ve noticed the train and that it’s moving, I can take control of the wheel. (Awareness really is pretty critical to changing anything in your life. Without it, you have no idea what’s going on, so it can’t change, right?!).
- It’s kinda funny. I’m actually chuckling a little to myself. I can move off the train just as quickly as I jumped on board.
Even simply noticing made my chest relax, my shoulders drop and a soft giggle emerge from my throat.
Feeling lighter now.
Self-talk is now laughter in my head.
“You’ve got this. Keep going. Everything’s going to be okay. You rock.”
Know anyone who can get a little stuck on the train? You know how awesome they are, so share this post with them, it could be just what they need to jump back in the driver’s seat!