Growth has been a core theme for me this month in so many different ways. I’ve personally been experiencing uncertainty in my life in what at times has felt like every possible way, everywhere I turn to the next thing instead of the steady, warm, ground I’m used to something has shifted. There have been moments of delight in this of course – we can all benefit from uncertainty in our lives – and there have also been moments of anxiousness attached.
I said to my partner today when he asked me how I was, that I am feeling a little ‘ungrounded’. He asked me what I meant. I said to him, do you ever feel just a little rushed, a little anxious and unsteady. Like those days when you’ve raced from one thing to the next and just haven’t had time to sit and be still, or to do your own thing, or be in your own space? It leaves a little smudge of uneasiness. For me this is how I feel when I’m ungrounded. It tends to be in those moments of heightened uncertainty or in those moments where I’ve left my rituals, my daily practices, for too long. My daily practices being those things which make me feel truly and wholly connected to me. From waking early and doing yoga or going for a walk, to being alone at a coffee shop with my notebooks, to noticing my breathing and pausing during my day to take an actual full breath, not a short stifled one as I rush on to the next activity.
If you’ve ever practiced yoga you may be able to identify with me on that feeling you get when you lay flat on your mat. The feeling of your back sinking into the floor. Your breathing starting to return to a deeper, calmer place. The resistance falling away and the release into the floor. This is how I feel grounded. Literally. Lying flat out on the earth, connected and fully surrendered. Obviously it’s not the only way I feel grounded, lying flat on my mat all day whilst appealing in some ways is not exactly practical nor would it fully satisfy all my daily needs.
So, this is the feeling I’ve been yearning for a little more in the past few weeks. My growth has been more about learning that at times it’s ok to release, to let go, to be at the will of the comings and goings of life – of uncertainties that show up. I’ve noticed I’m getting better at letting go quicker. Of not getting stuck in that anxiousness. Of moving swiftly into “it’s okay. You can let this go too.” mode. Growth for me this month has been about curiosity of my internal state of ‘being’ while the external shifts in nature are happening. The turn of the Spring in the northern hemisphere, the shifting on a daily basis from warmth back to cold and blustery as if the earth itself is feeling sluggish and finding it challenging to completely throw off the heaviness of the winter. I’m noticing internally I’m going through a similar ride of warmth, lightness, energy, to sluggishness, foggy mind and agitation. And the more I’ve noticed and acknowledged this natural shifting, I’ve felt more at ease with the uncertainty. I’ve allowed myself to sleep in longer in the mornings and not push through with an alarm. I’ve noticed my flare ups and frustrations over small things (I ordered the wrong tea in my grocery order this week, an almost tears moment for me!) and have been able to reduce my sinking into the stickiness of it, moving quicker into breathing through it and laughing at myself.
For me this is all part of growth. Of evolving. Of noticing who I am and who I am being. It’s been such a relief to give myself permission to just be. To be amidst the uncertainties. To laugh a little more at myself. And to also accept those moments where I may linger longer in heaviness, in frustration, in anger. That all of it is part of my own personal growth and all of it is teaching me something. Adding more valuable tools to my toolkit. And I’m also realising there will be tools in that kit that are no longer serving me. Things that have been necessary and needed throughout the winter (like coats and woolly tights) that will now feel heavy and unsupportive. So my process of growth will shift again, like the change in seasons, to knowing equally what it is I will be letting go of and letting in. 20 March marked the Spring Equinox. The day which represents the peak of the turning point in the season change. The day to which there was equal light to dark. Equal heaviness to lightness. Equal calm to panic. Equal love to fear. Equal day to night. I wonder what would happen if we started to pay more attention to our own internal seasonal changes. Instead of beating ourselves up every time we slowed down, didn’t meet a deadline, or felt lethargic and heavy when the alarm clock went off. What if instead, we acknowledge where we were in our seasonal cycle? What if we knew that during Winter our minds needed rest and that Spring was ideal for brainstorming sessions? What if we could harness the energy of the external changes around us – the trees blossoming, the ground becoming greener, the birds singing slightly louder – to our internal experiences of our lives too?
And it’s not about rushing through the shift. It’s not about waking up on the first day of Spring and declaring the Winter over. It’s about noticing that all change comes with time. Gradual unwinding. Gradual step by step letting go and letting in. The little beans you used to plant in primary school and watch them grow week by week. They didn’t turn into seedlings overnight. And yet as children we would take great delight in this. In the moment by moment changes. We’d notice the most subtle movements. We’d notice the teeny tiny specks of green starting to sprout in the soil and squeal with delight. What if we slowed down our necessity to be on the go constantly and instead we paused, long enough to squeal with delight at the smallest adjustments in our lives? Like the growth I had from choosing not to collapse in tears and tantrum over my tea order. And instead choosing to laugh. For each of these moments adds up. Each of these moments grounds us further with our roots. So we can grow and stand taller each day.
What is your version of growth in your life right now? And how could you choose to slow things down? What have you noticed recently that is a different response to what you’ve done previously? And what will you choose to let go of as the seasons shift?
I’d so love to hear from you. Come join us on Facebook or Instagram and share what growth is springing up for you this season. #selfgrowth #lovelife #growth #seedlings #springingup #wellness #wellbeing #slowisgood