When I think about living in sync with the life of my dreams I picture softness, fluidity, joyfulness, energy and an abundance of sunshine.
I don’t picture me constantly stroppy, tight anxiousness in my belly, toing and froing between decisions, or me getting my back up instantly when someone says something that just doesn’t feel quite right to me.
And while of course life comes with all of that – the high energy and low energy days – and is always in motion and changing, I want to be showing up in every moment with that feeling of integrity.
It doesn’t mean I’m not going to feel triggered. But it does mean I can start to focus that attention elsewhere.
Often our go-to when we’re triggered by something (i.e. something just pushed our buttons) is to instantly react and effectively start casting blame elsewhere. This can look like us adamantly trying to prove our point and be right about something. Or immediately defending ourselves for the reason why we didn’t or did do that thing.
There’s this in built reaction from our brains that’s deeply subconscious, fighting for our perceived safety in that moment. And, if we can cast the blame then that immediately casts off the danger too.
Well, at least that’s what the brain thinks in that split second.
Often the reactivity though has nothing to do with the other person or thing involved. Rather there’s something stirring inside of us that means we’re feeling that particular trigger even more so today.
Just think about the last time you felt over tired or hungry – what was your mood like? Did you feel calm and peaceful? Or, did you feel a little irritable, grouchy and like possibly even picking a fight with someone for no real reason?
I know it’s not just me. When we’re in reactive mode we’re not operating from a place of our own true self.
What I mean by that is we’re not really coming from a place of love and softness and compassion – for ourselves just as much as others.
If you can get clear on what that trigger may mean for you personally in that moment, you get to the heart of things so much faster. Meaning you get to uncover what’s really holding you back and keeping you stuck in those frustrating feelings.
I try to question myself in those moments I feel all fired up about something and immediately reaching for blame mode. Sometimes I’m a super ninja and catch myself out instantly, and the realisation is an immediate softening. Other times the “ooohhhhh I get it” comes much later.
I ask myself what this trigger could possibly be mirroring to me about my own life. If I’m that wrapped up and concerned about the other person’s behaviour, what is it about that I could reflect on in my own life.
An easy example is when I get all annoyed at my partner for being on his phone constantly – when I’m able to catch myself in the moment, hold back on the rant and accept his behaviour for being his behaviour, I also immediately see my own. I realise that the reason it’s bugging me so much is because I too have noticed the grip of my phone and how my behaviour has shifted into a dependency mode instead of using it productively.
If you’re finding yourself all fired up and touchy about things in your life, try this mirror approach out.
Be gentle, be kind and simply ask yourself: What could this situation be teaching me about myself right now? If I were to turn to the mirror to myself right now, what could I learn?
I’m not promising it will be easy, but I am promising it will be entirely illuminating and even give you a clear indication of what your next step could be to bring you closer to feeling all that you want in your life.