I Let Myself Down This Week

I let myself down this week. You see I’ve set myself a bunch of standards that I want to meet consistently to be the best version of me, and exceed all my goals and dreams. That’s all the way through from my personal to my business to my life in general.

I want to keep creating consistent, valuable, insightful content in business. Yet every time I sat down this week I was hazy. I felt lost, challenging, even frustrated at times.

I’ve had lots of ideas running through my head yet when fingers hit the keyboard all I felt was confused, lost, distracted. I love writing. I love journaling, getting my thoughts out on paper, or tapping away on my laptop. What happened instead this week is I would type a word or two… then I would turn to Google. I Googled holiday destinations in the Meditteranean. I jumped on to my online grocery order and stared at the screen. I phoned my boyfriend just to say Hi. I’d tell myself it’s okay you’ll come back to it, the creative juices will start flowing soon. And another day would pass.

I was starting to really sink into that deep, heavy place. Feeling like perhaps I’m just not getting anywhere or achieving anything. Logically I knew from previous times I’d felt hazy or lost that it was a feeling and it too would pass. So I tried to tell myself that in the moment.

It’s like I keep learning the same lesson because perhaps I didn’t truly get it the first time. I realise that it’s okay when these times come when you feel frustrated or lost or anxious. To just sit with it is okay. Even if it doesn’t feel so good. In the moment, it’s a little more challenging to think so clearly and tell myself this!

I’ve known consciously to keep up with my practices that keep me grounded and sane… and that in itself has been tough. Yet I’ve done them. Slower, gentler, even if for five minutes. I’ve had a thread that’s kept me going. Go for a walk. At least look up the yoga timetable to see when you can go to a class. Take a little break. Have a cup of tea. Listen to a five-minute guided meditation. Text a friend.

I so wanted to back date this post so I could feel neater, more perfect, more in sync with my life. And then I realised raw, authentic and vulnerable has been my pledge to myself for a long time now, and to you all. Because life isn’t perfect. It’s actually never going to be. So being okay with the flow is what it’s really about. Being conscious throughout. Knowing and acknowledging and naming the emotion so it doesn’t get you bogged down… means I can move through it all. Even as I type this out I feel a little more relaxed, a little bit more myself, more okay with wherever it is that I am this week. I imagine in some way you can relate to this feeling too, no matter how big or small. You too have had one of those days, weeks, months… where every time you sit down to “do” something nothing happens. I believe this is only natural. Part of the human experience. We may not be able to control it, however we can choose how to respond and what we choose to do next in those moments is so critical. Do we sink into it, or do we swim through it?

What I know for certain is that if I keep doing the same thing over and over again I’ll get the same result. So in those moments of feeling the sinking I have a choose to do something different.

Here’s a few things that really is helping me this week:

  1. Acknowledging – There’s really no point ignoring the emotions, that just tends to fuel the frustration and get me more bogged down. I’ve been acknowledging them for what they are. Saying to myself “I’m feeling annoyed right now” or “This is a frustrating feeling and I know it too will pass”. Naming it seems to soften the intensity and allow it to move on more quickly.
  2. Shifting gears – When feeling most numb, lost or sticky in the moment I’ve literally been getting up and doing something different. Anything. From going for a walk, making a cup of tea, to finding the most easiest thing on my ‘to do’ list to tick off.
  3. Practicing gratitude – I’ve been finding what I’m most appreciative of in the moment. Even when I’ve been annoyed, I’ve been saying to myself “I wonder what this is teaching me right now?” or “I’m so grateful to be conscious in this moment to make a new choice” or “I really do love a good challenge”. Finding gratitude in the moment supports me to switch from fear and doubt to experience a more beautiful state, of love.
  4. Bringing more of me – Reviewing some notes from a Brene Brown workshop I attended a few years ago these three words jumped right off the page to me: courage, compassion, and connection. The pathway to showing up and being our true selves must go through vulnerability, and the way to access vulnerability is through courage, compassion and connection. I’ve been asking myself in the moment, “How could I bring more courage right now?”, “What would be the most compassionate way to see this situation?”, or “What one thing could I do or say to myself right now to feel more connected?”.

So here it is, rough and ready. Exactly where I’m at this week. Not perfect. Still showing up. Taking action, even if at times it feels like baby steps, because movement creates clarity.


Know someone who is always setting themselves ridiculously high standards? Then beating themselves up when things don’t go according to the perfect plan? This could be just what they need to hear right now. Share this post with them below!