My first day at my new job my boss forgot to show up for me. It didn’t bother me too much. I had so much adrenaline and excitement running through me, it was an opportunity to connect with others. Look strong and confident. Be charismatic. And it worked. I got chatting to one of his colleagues, learning loads about him, so when he did arrive, after a few jokes and laughs we had instant rapport.
I’m pretty good at that. Holding fort. Being conversational. Hiding the nerves. So much so that most people who meet me I doubt would think twice about me ever having any concerns, fears, or anxieties.
But, I do.
Lots of them.
My inner dialogue at that first meet and greet was probably along the lines of:
“Just smile. Keep asking questions. Keep them distracted, then they won’t figure out you’re not good enough. Also then they’ll like you and you’ll look like you fit in here.”
I was so self-conscious of appearing to be worthy of being there. Even though I’d been through an incredibly detailed competitive process to be so.
I’m not that dissimiliar to you. My stoppers, fears, blockers – all the things that stop me from feeling and being super confident, energised, and in control, at the heart of them all tend to boil down to:
What if I’m not good enough?
Will I be judged?
Do I belong?
Will I be loved?
I came to realise that these are universal and natural to all of us. We’ve all thought it and felt it at some stage. It’s intrinsic to how we are wired. Yet it doesn’t make the fears true.
Times when I’m most burnt out or disconnected from being myself are the times I buy into this dialogue the most. And I’m guessing it’s the same for you too.
They don’t just ‘go away’. Which means the more I fight them the more they show up. The more I acknowledge them and act anyway the more they fade into the background. When I’m at my best, my inner dialogue at times may still hear these questions, but instead of choosing to listen it says things like “oh, that’s okay, you’ve got this”, or “thank you, I hear you, and I know it’s not true”, or “it’s okay to keep being me, you’re safe right now”.
Also when I’m at my best I’m confident in a joyful, grounded, loving kinda way. Not the way that is on the inside batting away all the voices. When I’m my best, I’m energised and able to speak up more. I’m able to not buy into the nonsense of whether I’m good enough and instead trust myself to keep moving forward. Those are the moments I’m my most alive. Most in flow with life. Most present.
Perhaps getting stuck is an opportunity to question what’s really going on for you. An opportunity to acknowledge that the blockers are natural, but they’re also not real. What could you choose to tune into instead? And when you do tune into the best version of yourself, how does that change your decisions? What could unfold differently in your life right now as a result?
We all have strong, confident friends and loved ones in our lives. What if they too were questioning themselves every day? Share this blog with them today so they too can feel more ‘human’ and know it’s only natural.