I sat on a park bench and stared at the sky yesterday.
Long slow deep breaths, taking it all in.
It’s felt like weeks since I’ve been on a nice loooonnnggg walk. And I’ve noticed the difference big time.
You see, I’m a walker. And I’m also someone who needs a tonnes of space.
Space in my diary. Space in my walking route. Space in my heart. 😉 My creativity (and therefore productivity) works best when I have plenty of time to stay in the silence, in the meandering, in the obligation-free-ness place.
I used to beat myself up for not getting going already! Worried that if I didn’t “start now” I’d inevitably end up like I did before most school assignments were due – sobbing to my parents the night before begging them to come up with a miraculous plan to fix things.
Over time I’ve come to know myself a whole lot better. I know now that it’s okay if there’s a whole lot of “nothingness” going on in the lead up to a potential “due date” (grateful I get to set my own these days 😉). That I’m not being lazy. I’m not stupid, or less than others on Instagram who are in full-steam-ahead mode. I’m simply me.
I know that in that spaciousness is where all the puzzle pieces come together for me. And if I push them together by sitting tight at my desk and getting into crunch-mode, then nothing comes out.
It often happens when I’m walking (hence why I’ve missed my loooonnnggg walks recently). And today, it happened whilst sitting on a park bench staring up at the sky.
I’ve felt a little blocked. Slow. Unsure of my next steps or how to get my thoughts out recently. However in that moment, looking into the sunshine it was as if everything inside of me unlocked. I picked up my pen and I wrote.
Do you have times when you beat yourself up for not being on the go? Or perhaps you’re someone who needs more of that push, that pressure, that build up and you’ve been feeling flat?
I’ve been recalibrating the different ways I meet this need for myself with all the changes over the past 12 months. There have been months where I sat under a tree and pretended I was on my morning coffee dates with myself. Months where I’ve walked most days, earphone free. And months where I’ve not quite figured it out and felt that nagging feeling of something missing.
With the return of the sunshine and slightly warmer temperatures this week I’m feeling invited into a new transition. A new recalibration. And I’m already feeling the effects of paying attention to what I most need—from one simple moment staring at the sky.
May this be your reminder today that you are the only one in charge of meeting your needs. How are you paying attention to what’s right for you, not what’s right for everyone else? What is it that you most need right now?