Have you ever engaged in a conversation inside your head for so long that the moment you try to articulate it and put it into words, it simply doesn’t make that much sense?
We spend so much time in our heads, that we get used to the conversation.
The voices, the words, the stories. They make sense to us.
You can see how after years of repetition we could even start to believe what goes on up there too.
It’s not until you’re asked to express it, to fully lay it on the table, and describe what it is that you’re thinking, that the words start to make less sense.
Well, at least that’s what happens to me.
Whenever I’ve opened up to my partner, a friend, therapist, or coach and had to try and explain the inner workings of my mind I’ve suddenly realised how jumbled it all is.
I find myself mid-sentence and then already second guessing myself.
Is that really true?
Well, that sounds ridiculous! Of course, that’s not the case …
And yet, when the words are in my head they seem fine.
Safe even. Like they’ve found a cosy couch to rest on and are tucked in with a blanket.
I think that’s kinda the point about talking things out. You get to immediately see things from a fresh perspective.
I used to be a mega-bottler.
I’d hold everything in (mostly without even realising it) until it exploded in some mega way that didn’t make much sense at all.
Sometimes literally over spilt milk.
When people used to say “just open up” or “you need to speak about your feelings”, I liked the idea of it, but didn’t really know how to do it.
I’d find myself sitting on a girlfriend’s couch opening my mouth to say something and completely different words would come out.
I like to think I’m way more advanced at this now.
I’m super conscious of expressing myself and my emotions (my poor partner! 😉), mostly because I know what a valuable process it is for me.
It helps me to synthesise my thoughts, challenge them, release them, and always, always see things afresh.
Sometimes that’s all we need. The opportunity and space to open our mouths. The rest naturally unfolds from there.
I’ve had people ask me what coaching and therapy are all about and why it matters so much.
And I think this is why.
It’s the space to open up and know its okay.
You’re not going to be judged.
Your thoughts and words don’t even have to make sense. Because really, the moment they’re out you’ve already processed so much.
I feel so grateful to anyone who’s ever held this space for me.
To be okay with the sometimes mumbo jumbo that comes out. To be okay with not wanting to dive in and ‘fix’ things for me. For allowing me to stumble and pause and reflect.
If you’re a ‘bottler’ or if you’re the one always focused on someone else’s needs, then know this – your words, your voice, you, matter. It’s perfectly okay for you to let them out.
To express yourself. To speak up.
It doesn’t have to equal getting a therapist, a coach or crying down the phone to your bestie. It could be as simple as picking up a pen and paper today and getting even one of those thoughts onto paper.
The more you can find ways to release them from your head, the more clarity unfolds. The more relief. The more joy.
What will you do today to express yourself?
Could you do me a favour? Share this post with a friend who could do with this reminder today.